When it comes down to it, all dating apps are relatively the same. They’re games of thumb war, your opponent being an endless stream of profiles separated by their bangability. And you lose HOURS of your life doing this, whilst repeatedly having the same conversation with strangers you never end up meeting.
If you actually do meet up, you either make an excuse to leave within 30 minutes of the date because you realize they’re nothing like the person you desperately created in your head; have a mediocre-to-OK hook-up only to never speak again; or you end up getting ghosted just after you finish getting ready to go out and have texted them to confirm the location of the bar you’re meeting at (true story).
So why do we keep using them? Because they’re always an option when you’re single and need attention-though definitely not better than just sucking it up and meeting people in real life.
Earlier this year, Facebook made the announcement that nobody wanted: they too were getting in on the dating app business. Even better (or worse)? Canadians would be the first ones in North America to try it. That’s right, this evil yet un-deletable platform is attempting to stay relevant and have us ignore things like Russian trolls and electoral interference by getting us laid.
But since Canadians are getting early access to this app, I test it out so that other single millennials don’t have to. After about a week of using it, I grew frustrated with the feature’s algorithm, but I did end up meeting a guy who’s not total trash. Here’s what went down on my first week of Facebook Dating.
After its official November launch date, I found myself waiting a few days for Dating to actually appear on my Facebook. Keep in mind that “Dating”-as Facebook so in;t a separate app like Messenger, rather a feature within the “more” tab on Facebook mobile. When it finally pops up, I’m prompted to make a profile on a page with Facebook’s weird Pepto-Bismol coloured graphics.
Alas, I create a profile with a few good pictures of me and refuse to include most items from a long list of identifiers they offer, like where I went to school, my job title and company, if I have any kids and my religious views. I keep my height on there though because I’m 5’7 and I want shorter dudes to steer clear (no, I don’t care what your think-piece says). Finally, I add a simple bio: “Is this the new Bumble?”
Like a lot of long-term single millennials, I have a love-hate relationship with dating apps. I’ve used Bumble on short, random stints over the last three or four years and Tinder even less frequently because I loathe the idea of having a stupidly large list of potential mates on my phone. I’ve gone out with quite a few guys from Bumble, none of which have turned into relationships, although, I have become friends with some of them.
So I don’t have high hopes with this app going in because, one: it’s Facebook. And two: it’s not like I plan on finding the love of my life on a dating app anyway.